Can't you read between the lines?

Past days been strange. I'm trapped in two spheres that just will not puzzle together in my head. Home in university and home in Sweden are two distinct focal points that just doesn't seem to clash. I can't imagine one without the other becoming an illusion. It's two realities that just can't exist together in my head right now.

Just like everything that belongs with home in Sweden. They seem so blurry, so vague when I'm here in Warwick. I have not turned my back, just temporarily forgotten maybe. I feel sorry to do that, but I can't help it, because I'm currently living in a reality that is here. The same thing will happen when I return home, because then Warwick will become a dream, and everything associated with it an illusion.

I'm finding it hard to know what's true and what's real. Sometimes I dream and it seems so real, and sometimes I'm trapped in thoughts and memories that was real once but not anymore. I live in this reality that I know tomorrow will be a memory and maybe a dream. There's so many different realities my head's just spinning, spinning, spinning...

I just wish, I just wish I could see the whole picture. To put this 1000+ puzzle together. But that will take time...

To bed

Too little sleep.
Nose blotched, yes blotched.
Stupid period pains.

Bed at 8PM.

Yay.

['cause when i'm with you, it seem's so easy, it seem's so easy]

Tonight I have an AFRICAN DINNER (free and with dance and everything!) with my wonderful african society.

I got a email from them today as well, look at that:

* For our next social(week 9) we're looking for any Zambians at Warwick who wouldn'tmind talking about their country. Sure African life does share some common themesthroughout the continent, but what is the one thing unique to Zambia? If you are Zambian or have been to Zambia and wouldn't mind participating in this event,drop usan email at su230@sunion.warwick.ac.uk with your contact details i.e. name and emailaddress.

That's me they are talking of there. Haha, yes, we had a discussion last time about having discussions about Africa. So fun. I will be able to dress in my Zambia t-shirt and talk about rhinos and stuff.

Also going to THE SUBWAYS concert tonight!!! Really really looking forward to it now, because they are actually not quite bad... if you decide to listen to them, listen to: "I want to hear what you have to say", "When I'm with you" and "No goodbyes".

Oh, and the biggest news! I just decided yesterday I'm going to Brussels-Antwerp-Amsterdam this december. I have to explain some things first.

There's a girl called Misato. She's 20. She's japanese, exchange student here in Warwick studying English Lit (but during her time here she's doing History of Art and French). She likes Blythe, she listens to music no ones ever heard about, she dresses really cool. She wants to work for magazine, but feel's fashion is too consumerism/superficial/materialistic etc, she wants to combine social and political values... She decided to go travelling this winter because she wanted to see Europe, and nobody wanted to go to the same place as her so she was going to go by herself.

... Until I went: "I'll go with you."

We are so similiar it's scary. I have never in my life met the reflection of me in another person, both thoughts, ideas and a little of the looks part. The approach we have to things is exactly the same, when i found out the trip I was looking for hostels and they were the exact hostel she wanted to stay in (even though she looked for them by herself). We will want to go to the same cafes, same alternative music stores, same art galleries... it will be eerily similiar.

Anyway, so 7-15 December I'm off on a little trip again. I just can't sit still!

Who paved Paradise and put up a parking lot?

It's been a week soon.
I've been single and alone for one whole week soon.

My throat hurts.
I'm getting sick.

I'm taking it easy.
I have candle lights and christmas lights in my room.

I'm reading Salman Rushdie's "Fury".
It's been the longest week in my life.

Perspectives

It's funny how things can be seen so differently depending on how you look at it.

I was at the Baobab African Society Social today, and was talking to the president who funnily enough is from Gabrone, lived in France, studied a year in Gothenburg and fourth year. He could talk some swedish with me, and I'm the only non-african in the African group. We talked about France, the society, the racism, the anti-semtism in second world war, the secularism all buried below the facade that one day will break.

He was black and he was paranoid at how whites always perceived him. Many things to him is about the skin color, that's how he analyse the social problems.

I talked to dad. Wise dad, with experience and time on his shoulders. His perspective on me was something I didn't think about. He could actually guide me back on a good path again, even at the age of 18. I'm still a kid.

When I look at myself and the issues at hand I see different perspectives. Different people always say different things. I just need to pick out the best alternatives. The optimal solution.

And I think I got the right perspective on things now. Hopefully one day I will think individually, I'll become a real individual women I'm proud of. For now just let all those changes slow take place.

"But everything looks perfect from far away, come down now, no, we'll stay."
Postal Service - Such Great Heights

The World's End

In London. In a place called Camden. Right opposite of the tube station. There is the World's End. And I think I just found it, the perfect pub. A pretty little gem. My secret. It looks like a little local pub from the outside, but once you enter it's like a whole world. So many rooms, little random furnitures. Feels like living room, feels like rustic, feels like indie. The music was awesome, it was songs I knew.

Royal Holloway is beautiful. It's a fairytale, cannot imagining studying there. It would be too unrealistic, but then for Emelie maybe it's good. Let her stay in that little cloud a little longer... Because here in Warwick we do real business. Haha.

I had a good day today. Woke up at 10AM, made myself some breakfast. Did some reading, mainly Accounting & Finance. Later in the afternoon I went and played tennis for the first time in my life with Daniel, a vietnamese guy who lived in Germany and studying Management. He was a beginner as well so we had fun just trying to hit the ball all over the place. My kitchen was watching from the kitchen and apparently I was very funny. Hm. I was proud of myself though, I swung my arms very intensely. They are aching now. I feel I have done something good.

I'm getting a tennis racket, so I can play any time I want. It's only outside our kitchen anyway.

Tonight I saw "Solas" a spanish movie. It was free, it was dvd. Except it was shown in a small lecture room. It was seen my <10 people. Made me a little warmer.

So if you're still wondering where the end of the world is? It's not in Australia, or Alaska. It's in Camden, London. And it's wonderful.